


my heart is running out

by myflower



Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood, Color Blindness, Growing Up, M/M, Slice of Life, Sorry Not Sorry, Soulmates, When you meet your soulmate you see in color, bc i need to include my fav kids, implied popang, jihoon's an angsty tsundere asshole tbh, jinseob is just a background relationship, kinda canonverse, sorry if it's rushed...
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-11-21 02:44:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myflower/pseuds/myflower
Summary: in which daehwi sees his soulmate at a young age, but they don't see him.





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> my first wanna one fic! and i had to go for a rarepair, of course i did.  
> watch me actually start to ship this.  
> also yes im well aware the kids are all from different places but for the sake of the fic they all go to the same primary school okay thanks  
> also the layout of who goes in first during the first episode is different also for the sake of the fic please bare with me  
> chap 2 out within a month i promise. aiming for 6k+ words  
> jihoon's kinda an asshole but we needed some angst lol.  
> i listened to [up10tion's runner](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGQSmW8X1H0) on repeat while writing this; it's also where the title is from  
> i hope yall enjoy  
> 

Everyone sees the world in black and white when they’re born.

_Everyone._

So Daehwi didn’t feel like he was any different than anyone else due to the lack of color in his life. It was very normal. He only knew of various shades of black and white and grey, nothing more.

But one day, at age six, he was at the playground at school when a crowd of kids that were a grade older passed by. Suddenly, his vision was colorful; filled to every corner of the world with the bright greens of bushes and trees and dull yellow of the wood chips that covered the playground, bright blues and reds of the playground equipment, and Daehwi felt overwhelmed. He fell over and cried on the wood chips, and a park supervisor rushed to him. Tears filled his eyes and a few quickly slipped down his cheeks. He didn’t know how to explain it, he just said that it’s so bright before the supervisor took him down to the nurse’s office.

Before he knew it, the nurse was strapping his knee in a bright yellow band aid, because the bright red color of blood was flowing from it due to his fall. Daehwi also had a couple splinters, which were removed hastily by a familiar grey colored tweezers. He was bandaged up twice more, on his hands, with a bright blue band aid and a tiny tan colored one. Daehwi was smart, and everyone knew it, so the nurse was confused why he was so puzzled.

“What’s wrong, Daehwi-yah?” She asked, and he only furrows his eyebrows more. He’s staring at the band-aid on his knee and past it, at his shoes, at the tiles on the floor.

“I can see things,” he said in response, and the nurse tilted her head.

“You mean ghosts?” She laughed, and Daehwi shook his head. “What things then, Daehwi?”

“I can see things that aren’t the colors I’m used to seeing.” Daehwi crossed his legs and swung them back and forth. “Are they called colors too?”

The nurse was shocked. “You can see more colors, Daehwi?”

He nodded, “I think so.”

She didn’t say anything else. From what Daehwi could tell, she was worried, but that’s also because he’s not learned how to tell that many emotions yet. He asked if he could go home, and the nurse nodded quickly, saying she’d call his mom to come and get him.

Daehwi decided that it was a bad thing that he could see colors. He kept it a secret, almost forgot about it. He didn’t tell his mom like he usually would, as he’s scared he’d get in trouble. He felt like he wasn’t supposed to be seeing them, so he pretended that he couldn’t.

He told no one for eight years. The only people who knew he could see colors were himself and the school nurse from year one. No one he cared about knew.

He would go about each day as if he was everyone else; as if his world were in black and white instead of filled with colors of happiness. He pretended that he couldn’t see the pinks of the cherry blossom trees or the yellows of the honey bee’s coat. That he couldn’t see the mirrors that reflected a dark blue on the tall skyscrapers when he’d moved from Korea to the States or the piercing red of hot dripping blood when he’d trip and fall and inevitably scrape his leg on the sidewalk. He got used to hiding it, to the point that he forgot he was in the first place. It never came up in conversation.

Until he finally figured out why he could see colors in the first place; he’d met his soulmate.

He was talking with his mother before he would be sent off to go overseas and audition for some entertainment companies back in Korea. Daehwi loved music, and he loved his mother, but he wanted to pursue his dream. She loved him enough to let him do what he wanted to do with his life. So he took advantage of it.

She was talking to him about some of the things that could happen while he was overseas. He may discover things about himself he would’ve never expected otherwise, he may want to give up a week or two in. He may want to quit school, he may meet his soulmate.

He hadn’t thought twice about it at first. Soulmates were a myth to him, a joke told by the kids in higher grades. He hadn’t even considered it to be a real thing until his mother said so.

“How am I supposed to tell if I met my soulmate?” Daehwi asked, even though his mother continued to go on past that line.

“Oh, Daehwi-yah, you still see in black and white, right?” She said, and Daehwi reluctantly nods, knowing his lie fully well. “You see in color, sweetie.”

Daehwi’s breath caught in his throat. He exhaled quickly as to assure his mother he wasn’t hiding anything, and he nodded for good measure.

He could only focus on breathing now. His mother continued giving him advice, and he tried to follow, but it was so difficult. Daehwi had met his soulmate.

_Daehwi had met his soulmate._

_And he had no clue who it was._

On his plane ride, considering the situation, he decided three things.

When he got off of the plane, he was going to tell his mother that he could see in color.

He’d then find a way to get to his old primary school, and ask for records of the students in the year ahead of him in that exact year.

He was going to put himself out there and audition for every single entertainment company he could.

Inevitably, he did all three like he planned. It took him a week after settling in to tell his mother, who was ecstatic; she’d thought he met them in the last week, since he didn’t give her any details other than that. She asked what their name was, and Daehwi explained that he didn’t know. That he just saw them and suddenly his world was in color.

_(Which wasn’t exactly a lie. It was the truth. It was just an 8-years-late truth.)_

His mother sighed in understanding. “It took your father two years before he saw me. We worked in the same building for years, but he never actually looked at me. I saw him from afar. So just, don’t worry sweetie. Your time will come. They’ll see you eventually.”

So Daehwi trusted his mother. Of course he did; but it was still hard to believe. For all Daehwi knew, his soulmate could be living in Africa now.

A week after the phone call, he finally found his way to the primary school. It was definitely more rundown than he’d remembered, but still running somehow. He went into the office and was hit with nostalgia of his last day at the school.

He talked to a secretary—different than the last time he was there—and asked if she could pull up records of the second years when he was a first year. She was skeptical, but did it without another question. There weren’t that many kids in that class that passed him, and there definitely weren’t that many kids that he actually looked at, but he knew he couldn’t tell if it was because of a boy or a girl that it had happened.

When the secretary asked, Daehwi said in a hushed tone that it was a case of finding his soulmate. She immediately softened up to him, saying she loved the thought of first love and happily gave in to printing the records from the class. She gave them to him with a smile on her face, and a pat on the back with the wishes of luck attached.

He had nine names, now. Nine names, and one of them had to be his soulmate.

He memorized each within the first few hours of having it. God, he wished he had photos, that would be such a help, but as he looked through the names of _Ahn Hyungseob, Baek Yehyun, Jeon Gayoon, Jung Seola, Kang Mina, Lee Donghyuk, Park Jihoon, Park Woojin, Yong Jisoo,_ he knew it had to have been one of the last four. Don’t ask how he knew; he just did. He figured it was a soulmate thing.

He gravitated toward the Park’s for some reason, though. He knew that both of those names were male names; he’d never met a Jihoon or a Woojin who weren’t a boy. He knew that Jihoon felt right, it really did, Park Jihoon was such an appealing and beautiful name and Daehwi really gravitated toward it, but he held his breath in fear that it was actually Park Woojin, or that he was completely wrong and it was someone else entirely.

His soulmate’s name was right in front of him. He couldn’t believe it.

Another year passes; Daehwi trained for a short while at JYP Entertainment and made friends with a bright girl named Somi. They became close very quickly, and even stayed in contact after he left the company a few months after he started there. From then, he joined Brand New Music as quickly as he left JYP. He soon had new friends: Kim Donghyun, a bright and talented kid, skilled in guitar and vocals, Lim Youngmin, a rapper-dancer extraordinaire, and Park Woojin.

Mind you, Daehwi was shocked to find his name was Park Woojin, like the upperclassman at the school he attended when he lived in Korea in his early life, but he was even more shocked to find out it was the same Park Woojin. When Daehwi had brought it up, Woojin named the school without a problem. It was funny, laughable. After all these years, even though they hadn’t known each other them, they’re united as a team under the same company.

But Woojin suddenly becomes curious. It was weird for underclassmen to know the names of upperclassmen in primary school. He asked Daehwi how he even knew him; so he came to admit it.

“I’ve been trying to find my soulmate. He—they, were in your class. Clearly it’s not you, you’d have told me pretty quickly if you were seeing color as soon as you saw me.”

“You’re right, I would’ve, but I’ve been able to see in color since my first day of year one. You sounded certain when you said he, any reason for that?” Woojin asked, a smirk on his lips.

“You already met your soulmate?” Daehwi asked, shocked by this statement. Woojin looked proud for a moment as he happily nodded.

“If you got the class roster, you already know their name. But anyways, we were talking about your love story, Daehwi-yah. Get on with it.

Daehwi sighed. “I think it’s the other Park that was in your class. Jihoon,” he admitted, and Woojin is suddenly shocked beyond belief.

“You mean to tell me that _'ladies’ man, Park Jihoon,'_ is probably your soulmate.”

“I mean, I don’t know much about him other than his name, so it could be. You said ladies’ man?”

“He’s a total flirt. I mean, of course he is, he’s cute. If you could score him I’d have trouble believing it.”

Daehwi’s stomach dropped. His expression clearly changed, too, because suddenly Woojin was panicking, as if to take back his words.

“Oh, god, I’m sorry, Daehwi-yah, I didn’t mean it like that. Do you wanna know something? Jihoonie and I are still in contact. I could send him a message for you.”

Daehwi lifted his head back up. “Wait, seriously?”

“Of course! Isn’t that what hyungs are for?”

“Oh my god, Woojin-hyung, I can’t believe this, thank you, oh my god,” Daehwi breathed out, then continued, “but...hold off on the message. Do you have any pictures of him?”

“Not on my phone, but there’s gotta be one on his Kakao profile. Let me check.”

So Woojin did as he said he would, Daehwi hovering over his shoulder. He opens Kakao and clicks on Jihoon’s profile, and Daehwi swore that the look of him just completed the puzzle. He couldn’t help but feel certain now, that Park Jihoon was his soulmate.

“I have a plan,” Daehwi said, and Woojin felt a bit skeptical, but he allowed Daehwi to carry it out.

They took a photo together. He made Woojin send the photo to Jihoon, and say that he was finally happy to have someone younger than him in the company as the caption. “Now,” Daehwi said, “We hope for the best.”

“You mean, you hope for the best,” Woojin smirked.

Daehwi waved his hand at him, “Yeah, yeah, I know.”

So they went to practice, though Daehwi was clearly distracted. They practiced for a good half hour before Woojin went to check his phone, and he nearly jumped in his skin.

“Daehwi!” he yelled, and within a second he was at Woojin’s side.

The message on the screen read:

_‘Who is he?’_

Nothing else.

Woojin’s message was read at 12:30. Jihoon sent the message at 12:53.

Daehwi yelped. He had to have gotten himself together after suddenly seeing color, Daehwi thought. It has to be him.

Woojin typed a response a midst Daehwi’s crisis.

_‘His name is Lee Daehwi. He’s convinced you’re his soulmate. He went to a ton of measures to find you. Can you see color now, Jihoonie?’_

Jihoon replied as quickly as Woojin sent the message.

_‘No.’_

And Daehwi’s heart dropped.

_'Can I call you?’_ was the next message Jihoon sent.

Woojin replied with a yes, and he turned on speaker phone when Jihoon’s call came in.

His voice came through the end of the line, and waves of goosebumps ran through Daehwi’s body. Everything Daehwi had encountered until now regarding Jihoon had been absolute perfection.

“Hello? Woojin?”

“Hi Jihoonie, what’s up?”

“Not much,” Jihoon said, sounding a little troubled but it went ignored. “I wanted to call and ask you about the guy in the picture you took.”

Daehwi shook with nervousness.

“Hm, Daehwi?”

“Yeah, how do you know him?”

“He’s in my company. He went to the same primary school we did, he’s just a year younger.”

“Really? How come I’ve never seen him before?”

That line put Daehwi on his toes.

“Like I told you, Jihoonie, he’s a year younger. You know how rarely the grades interact.”

“True, but regardless, I usually see everyone.”

“I know, you jump on everyone at some point.” Woojin says mindlessly. Daehwi can’t take offense or come to the defense of Jihoon; he doesn’t even know him. Jihoon even said he couldn’t see color. “But apparently you haven’t seen Daehwi. You seem so intent on this, why?”

“No reason. Tell the kid he’s wrong. Bye, Woojin. Talk later.”

The phone call ended too quickly.

Daehwi should just forget it. Jihoon said it himself that he wasn’t his soulmate. It was still someone in that class, just not Park Jihoon.

But for some reason, he really wanted it to be Park Jihoon.  
  
-  
  
Daehwi trained with Woojin, Donghyun, and Youngmin for a year and a half before he was told he’ll be on Produce 101.

He was still in contact with Somi; she’d won the first season of the entire show, placing first and becoming center for temporary girl group I.O.I. He wished her congratulations, and she voiced her thanks. She also talked to him about her complaints, her problems, regarding being in a temporary girl group. It was tough on her; she was always doing small projects but never actually staying committed to a single group. Daehwi felt sad for her, told her that everything would get better soon. She held that close to her heart, and told him to have the best of luck in the coming season. And he held that close too.

It was the first day of recording, and the auditions were up. Daehwi was nervous; all of the boys were. But he was confident enough in himself and his team that they’d perform well. It was his own song, their own choreography and lyrics, different than the other companies that would inevitably be performing covers of popular artists. He was hoping their performance would stick out as unique compared to the others.

The trainees filed in by company, and the Brand New Music boys found themselves to be fairly early in arrival. Daehwi was more nervous by that alone, and showed for it when he accidentally passed the stage and had to run back to the staircase that lead to the huge triangle-shaped seating area.

They sat through the company arrivals, and eventually it landed on Maroo Entertainment.

Daehwi wasn’t expecting anything out of the ordinary, just a few trainees, maybe a single one, to walk through the same doorway he did less than a half hour prior. Woojin then nudged him, and he was confused why.

He looked over the names of the trainees, and his eyes stopped as he read the name: Park Jihoon.

Daehwi was over him, he’d gotten over him after these past two years. He barely knew him anyways. The day after Jihoon said he couldn’t see color, Daehwi had given up. He just thought he’d find his soulmate on his own, that they’d see him and realize that he was their soulmate, and they’d live happily ever after.

Daehwi watched Jihoon scan the seats, and his eyes stopped on Daehwi as well. They made eye contact, and stayed staring for a few seconds, before Jihoon tore his eyes away.

Okay. Maybe Daehwi wasn’t exactly over him like he thought.

Woojin nudged Daehwi again to get his attention.

“That’s Jihoonie,” he said, not trying to trigger any odd behavior from Daehwi.

“Hm. Do you know the other people in his company?”

“No, just him,” Woojin said, and then he looked toward the entrance again. “Did I tell you Hyungseob is supposed to be on here too?”

“You didn’t, but I don’t expect you to tell me everything." Daehwi said, still staring at Jihoon.

-

Daehwi and Woojin passed the auditions with A rank, and Donghyun and Youngmin rank B.

Jihoon ranked C, and Daehwi thought he deserved to rank higher. Not that he’d say that out loud.

Okay, he did say it out loud, but in his defense, it was under his breath. Unfortunately, Woojin was very attentive to what he had to say, and proceeded to make fun of him for his comment.

“I can’t believe you still really have a thing for him. You still haven’t properly met him, Daehwi.”

“I know I haven’t,” he responded, ignoring the first part of Woojin’s comment. He watched the Maroo trainees walk up to their seats once again, their ranks pasted to the name tags. Daehwi’s eyes focused on Jihoon. “Doesn’t mean I can’t have a say on the performance.”

“You really do still have a thing for him, don’t you?”

“I’m certain, hyung, I can’t help it.”

“He already said no,” Woojin reasoned.

“He could’ve lied.”

“You don’t know that, Daehwi,” he said, and Daehwi sighed.

“I know I don’t know that. But I can’t help but feel like he did. It’s understandable that he would, I just want to understand for what reason he did.”

“Don’t worry, Daehwi-yah. Just relax for now. Try to sleep until the auditions are over.”

Daehwi didn’t respond, but he did listen to Woojin. He let himself close his eyes, and although he couldn’t sleep, he still tried to. It was more of a state between sleep and reality. Lucid, almost, but still not a dream.

His imagination reached around all of the aspects of his mind, from home to his dorm to his old primary school when he met his soulmate for the first time; well, not exactly met, but saw. It’s a very vivid memory, as he would imagine everyone’s is. Woojin’s told him about when he first met Hyungseob, how he was so scared of seeing colors he cried in his mother’s lap, and Hyungseob was just so excited to see a new world that he stuck to Woojin’s side throughout the entirety of primary school. When secondary school came, he realized that it was weird to be so attached to your soulmate all the time, so he gave Woojin space. He started to become distant, and Woojin hated it, but he never said anything in fear that it was his own fault that caused Hyungseob to do this.

They didn’t talk for months, Woojin told Daehwi, until Hyungseob reached out with the longest apology Woojin had read in his entire life. He forgave him thoughtfully, and told him to never do it again, so Hyungseob promised he wouldn’t.

They’ve made sure to talk at least once every day since.

Daehwi wished he had that kind of relationship with his soulmate. Instead, his supposed soulmate ignored him, pretended that he wasn’t his soulmate for no reason.

He was being delusional again, and he knew it.

But after letting his mind drift a bit more, finding Park Jihoon in his imagination, chills sent themselves down his spine.

Oh, was he in deep.

 


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jihoon decided, then and there, that feelings suck.

Jihoon told Woojin that he lied about seeing colors three weeks after the first message was sent.  He also made Woojin promise not to tell Daehwi, no matter how badly he was acting.

Thankfully, Woojin can keep his promises.

-

It’d been seven weeks already, and Jihoon was very much struggling to avoid Daehwi.

The first week was easy; in avoidance, that is.  In every other aspect, it was thrillingly difficult, the necessity to learn the choreography was more important than any other task at hand.  It was fun, nonetheless.  The song was good (better, Jihoon thought, than the previous year’s ‘Pick Me’), and the choreography was cool.  The C rank that displayed on his name tag became no longer after his 3 days of hard work paid off and moved him up to B rank.  He was seriously grateful for the rank-up.  It made him feel like everything was going to be worth it, even if he wasn’t yet in A class.  He still felt motivated to get better, to a point where he could be at A-level.

The overwhelming emotions that came with the first week didn’t help, either.  He was met with the sweat and tears of his own body as well as the bodies of every other trainee, some crying to go home, some crying about the difficulty and the intensity of each practice session.  While Jihoon did cry, it was more a cry out of pain, as practicing that long would inevitably hurt anyone.  He pushed through, though.  It made him feel good every time he nailed another move.

As the week continued on, all of the trainees were gathered into a small arena, where they sat in rows according to their class and observed the A’s perform a small portion of the show’s theme song for a chance of being center.  Center was essential; whoever got it was practically guaranteed a spot in the final group.  The previous year’s Pick Me center, Choi Yoojung, inevitably made it into I.O.I, ranking third.  It was almost a free pass, getting center.

Jihoon voted fairly; he didn’t hesitate in his vote.

It was announced soon after that the votes had come through, and it was between Lee Woojin, and Daehwi.

Jihoon held his breath; he hadn’t voted for Daehwi to be center, but he could see why someone like him would be center.  It made a lot of sense; Daehwi only showed his brightest talents on stage, he knew how to have fun, he knew how to control his expressions.  These were essential traits for center, and then some.  More than Lee Woojin had.

So it didn’t come as a surprise that Daehwi won.  In fact, Jihoon felt thrilled.  From what he could see, Daehwi worked very hard and very quickly, and knew what he was doing.  He was fit for the stage.  And naturally, he would be fit for center.

They recorded the performance within three days later.  B class wouldn’t be prioritized (of course they wouldn’t. Anyone under A class wasn’t prioritized), so Jihoon felt that he needed a way to make himself known.  So after hours of practice in the past, he decided that he’d use his skill in winking to make himself stand out.  He could only hope it’d get on camera.

Three weeks later, at the airing of the performance, he felt proud watching Daehwi as the center.  He really was bright, completely perfect for the position. (It also made him proud to see his wink having made it in.  He hoped it would help gain him attention.)

And another three weeks later, at the airing of the first episode, he felt proud to see his rank at #1.  It had absolutely gained him the attention he had hoped.

Daehwi was inevitably nearly right behind him in ranks, too (the only one separating them was the oh-so-expected Jang Moonbok.  Jihoon had heard rumors a few weeks earlier that male fans of Moonbok would spam vote him to ‘spite’ the final group).  He saw Daehwi shake in excitement a few rows in front of him as he was congratulated, and Jihoon started hearing bits of congratulations as well.  He would’ve never expected first place, but here he was.

But two weeks prior, their first mission was announced.  It was to be a group battle (alike the first season), and he was shocked when he was immediately picked as a member of Daehwi’s team.  He thought the younger was avoiding him in the same manner that he was.  But he understood why Daehwi picked him the second he heard the reason; he wanted to form the second avengers.  All of the members of this team were hot issues after the Pick Me performance came out.  While sad that they would inevitably win because of their popularity and not talent, it was a smart move.  It guaranteed his team the win.  It guaranteed them the benefit.

Working with Daehwi felt a bit stressful, though.  Although Jihoon had been assigned center, he couldn’t help but feel an awkward atmosphere.  It almost felt that Daehwi was jealous of him, although the kid had the entire center for A class during the first performance.  It also could be that Jihoon was bad at reading emotions. Which he clearly was.

Daehwi was also distracting in and of himself; he was always shining such a bright aura, no matter the situation, except for when he was in a group conversation or discussing the performance one-on-one with Jihoon.  Anytime he was talking to anyone else, he was smiling the most beautiful smile Jihoon had ever seen.

He began to notice that Daehwi was getting close with Jinyoung.  Not that it should matter to him.  He was also close to Jinyoung.  But he didn’t want Daehwi to think that it could evolve into a friendship between them because Jinyoung was a mutual friend.  So, inevitably, Jihoon continued to avoid him as much as possible.

It proved difficult, but he was persistent, so he succeeded. Much to Daehwi’s annoyance.

-

Thankfully (to Jihoon), the Boy in Luv stage was the only performance they ever did together.  He was relieved, to be quite honest.  It wouldn’t be too hard now to avoid Daehwi.  The only connection between the two of them was Jinyoung at this point (and Woojin, but Jihoon didn’t count him.  He wasn’t close to Jihoon as much anymore, definitely closer with Daehwi.  It sort of made him sad, but they still considered each other friends.  They still occasionally talked.  Woojin is a good friend). 

They worked, practicing until their shirts were drenched and they stank worse than any other scent. It was such high intensity that there were many times Jihoon just wanted to quit, but the thought of debut, the thought of his rank going down at all motivated him to continue as best as he could.

“Have you talked to him?” Woojin asked him one day, sliding himself down next to Jihoon against the cold mirror of one of the practice rooms.

“No,” Jihoon said, “the most we spoke was when we were discussing things for Boy in Luv.”

“You’re unbelievable, you know that, right?” Woojin laughed under his breath, and Jihoon shook his head.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Do you want me to tell him?” Woojin suggested.

“God, no, that’s the last thing I want.  You’d just fuck it up.”

Woojin laughed, punching Jihoon’s arm. “Would not.  I know Daehwi better than you.  He’d be ecstatic, even if I did fuck it up.”

“So you’re admitting there’s a chance you would,” Jihoon smirked, and Woojin only punched him again.

“Listen, he’s really been acting miserable lately.  It’s torturing him.”

“Tell him again I’m not who he’s looking for,” Jihoon said.  Woojin stared at his shoes.

“I can’t lie to him like that.” The redhead said, and Jihoon reached over to grab a water bottle.

“It’s not a lie,” he said, like it was nothing.

“It is, though.”

“Mind your own business, would you?” Jihoon scoffed.  Woojin rolled his eyes.

“I can’t believe you,” Woojin’s laugh stifled.

He took a second, lips in a small pout, just thinking about Daehwi.  He clouded his thoughts, making him feel overwhelmed and sort of lovesick, as much as he hated to admit it.

Jihoon decided, then and there, that feelings suck.

-

“The blue looks good on you, Jinyoung,” Jihoon said without a second thought.  He didn’t think anyone had heard it besides the younger.

“Yah, Jihoon-ah, you can see colors?”

Jihoon froze.  He turned around to face Sewoon, who had his head tilted to the side in curiosity. 

“Who said that?” Jihoon immediately asked, feeling exposed and a bit shy.  God, he seriously thought no one else could hear him.

“You just said blue.  I can see colors, so I know what you’re talking about.  Jinyoung’s jacket is definitely blue.  You never said you could see colors before.”

“It never came up in conversation,” Jihoon tried to excuse, but Sewoon only shook his head. 

“You idiot, who is it?” Sewoon laughed under his breath.

“Who’s what?” 

“Your soulmate, god, you know that you can only see colors if you’ve met your soulmate, right?  It’s not Jinyoung, is it?  Is that why you seem so embarrassed?”

Jihoon loved Jinyoung as a friend, but he nearly choked hearing Sewoon say that.

“It’s definitely not Jinyoung.” Jihoon mumbled.

“So you do know who it is.”

Jihoon sighed, defeated. “Unfortunately, yeah.”

“Why unfortunately?  Honestly, who is it?”

“I didn’t think I’d know of them so early on in my life, and they’re here.”

That only made Sewoon more curious.

“Here? You mean, like, among us?”

“Yes.  That’s all I’m telling you.  I haven’t talked to him about it.”

“Dumb ass, you should’ve talked to him a long time ago.  Is he older or younger than you?”

“If I told you that, it’d narrow it down a lot.” Jihoon said, clearly not thinking.

“So he’s younger,” Sewoon laughed. “Our team? No, wait, it can’t be our team.  Woojin and Hyungseob are already a thing.  And you just said it’s not Jinyoung.”

“God damn your deduction skills, hyung. You could’ve just left it alone, you know.” Jihoon rolled his eyes.  He was nervous, thanks to Sewoon.

“Thanks for confirming my theory, Jihoon, I was just spurting bullshit at first but that sentence alone confirmed everything I was saying.  Is it Guan Lin-ah? Or Seonho-yah? Or Daehwi-yah? Who is it?”

Jihoon exhaled carefully.

“Who do you think it is, my dear detective hyung?”

“Is he short or tall?”

“Hyung, that’s not going to work in my favor in any way.  I don’t want to tell him.  I already denied seeing in color before to him.  He avoided me because of this, it’s like he knows.”

“So, not Guan Lin, huh,” Sewoon said.  Jihoon rolled his eyes.

“You just won’t stop, will you?”

“How much does he eat?”

Jihoon laughed. “A lot.”

“Like, Seonho, a lot? Or like Daehwi, a lot?”

“Hyung, this is just unnecessary.”

“I just want to know who your soulmate is!  It’s your own fault that I’m being this persistent.”  Sewoon smiled at Jihoon, and Jihoon honestly couldn’t believe this.  He trusted Sewoon!  He never thought he’d be questioned in this sort of manner by him in a million years.

“Can I ask who yours is, then?” Jihoon asked, and Sewoon’s expression immediately changed. 

He looked down at his feet and mumbled the name under his breath. Jihoon couldn’t hear it, but seeing the formation on his lips, he knew exactly who it was.

“I’m sorry he hasn’t made it this far, hyung, but you’re going to do good things, and he’ll always be there for you.”

“Yeah...  Anyways, I don’t want to be sad about it right now.  Who’s your soulmate, Jihoon-ah?  Please, just tell me.”

Jihoon laughed a bit to himself, an amused smile taking over the corner of his lips.  He turned to face Sewoon, looking him in the eyes, and he took a deep breath before the name “Lee Daehwi” spilled out of his mouth.

The next thing he hears is the loudest he’d ever heard Sewoon be, yelling a very excited, “I knew it!”

Jihoon was already regretting it.

“Hyung,” Jinyoung finally spoke up after listening into the conversation off to the side, “you have to tell him.  Daehwi doesn’t like lack of communication like that.  I’d know.”

“Of course you’d know, you’re his best friend.” Jihoon scoffed, and Jinyoung rolled his eyes.

“I’m serious, you have to tell him.”

“Here, I’ll make you a promise.  If we both make it into the group, I’ll tell him.”

“You better mean it, hyung.  He’s near getting over you, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Jihoon asked.

“Oh my god, you do not want to hear about all the times he’s ranted about you avoiding him.  I love the kid, but sometimes it drives me insane.  It’s gotten increasingly rare recently, though.  It’s almost weird when he doesn’t talk about you.”

Jihoon couldn’t believe his ears.

“He talks about me that much?”  He asked, clearly confused and slightly amused.

“God, just talk to him.  You’re clearly whipped too, it’s driving me crazy.”

He choked when Jinyoung said whipped.  Jihoon was  _ not _ whipped for Daehwi.  If anything, whipped was the last thing he was.

It’s unfortunate that after the conversation died down, as he started to think about Daehwi, how absolutely bright and beautiful and talented he was, imagining his perfect smile and beautiful eyes in his head, that Jihoon found himself smiling fondly.  He would always say he wasn’t whipped, but deep down, he knew the truth.

He thanked any gods in existence that no one saw him looking so sentimental.

-

Jinyoung got into the final group, and to Jihoon’s expectations, as did he.

Daehwi did, too.  And if he was being honest, Jihoon knew this would happen.  But the ranks were so close at the halfway point that he started to lose hope.  He did want to tell Daehwi that he’d been lying all along, but the thought of actually confessing was screwing with him.  He didn’t want to do it, truthfully.

He thought back to how difficult it’d been throughout the entire show to avoid him; now, he had no choice but to interact with Daehwi.  They’d be in the same group.  There couldn’t be an awkward atmosphere between them.

Jihoon made himself hug Daehwi as he went up to his seat, which was sat just across the aisle from him.  Jihoon wanted so, so badly to kiss him in that moment; he was so amazingly beautiful, smiling at him like there was no one else in the world.  He had so much happiness stored in that smile, and god, Jihoon hated how fond he was of Daehwi.

As they pulled out of the hug, Jihoon’s lips struck a small smile at the corners.  Daehwi looked down at his feet.

“Congrats, hyung,” he said, and Jihoon smiled at him brightly.

“Thanks, you too, Daehwi-yah.  I’m proud of you.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, slowly pulling his eyes up to meet Jihoon’s.

Jihoon made himself turn around to walk to his seat, but he quickly spun his head to say, “I need to talk to you later, okay?”

Daehwi just stared at him, as if he didn’t hear him.

“Later?” Jihoon said again. 

Daehwi nodded, understanding quickly.

-

“I lied to you,” Jihoon mumbled under his breath to himself, “I’m sorry but I lied to you.  I didn’t know how to deal with it.  I’m sorry.”

His rehearsals were unfortunately heard.

“You’re really practicing confessing, huh?” Woojin said, sitting himself next to Jihoon, patting his hand on the older’s thigh.

“I have to, I promised Jinyoung and Sewoon-hyung that I’d confess to him if we both made it into the group.”

“It’s unfortunate we only last for a short while, though.”

“Stop, don’t remind me.”

“Can’t help it.  I know we’re all excited for debut, but it’s also a stressful thought that we don’t know what the future as and after being Wanna One hold for us.”

Jihoon sighed, “I know.  But you got me in contact with him, so we can always contact each other after.  I’m considering leaving Maroo for BNM, too, if I get the chance.  Would Rhymer take me?”

“He’d take all these kids under his wing, he’s that kind of person.  The last time I talked to him, he warned Daehwi and I how horrible YMC can be.  He wasn’t wrong, I guess.” Woojin laughed, and Jihoon accompanied him a little bit.

“Anyways, it was just a thought.”

“I know how stressful it is, but he’s stressed too.  Please talk to him, Jihoon.”

“I will...” Jihoon sighed.

“You better.”

-

Daehwi intentionally ignores Jihoon, it’s easy to tell.

It’s also easy to do so, considering he has Jinyoung to talk to.

Jihoon doesn’t say anything about it.

-

It takes another three weeks for Jihoon to even talk to Daehwi, let alone confess.

In that time, he’s just been so overwhelmed with their schedules, practices, appearances, that he can’t even think about talking to Daehwi.  It takes a night after a long schedule when they’re both alone in the dorm’s living space, watching whatever drama that is playing on the television, before Jihoon says, “The cherry blossoms are beautiful, aren’t they?”

The drama’s scene was filled with pink and red petals falling to the cobblestone walkway between a couple who hadn’t seen one another in a long time; it was dramatic and romantic and Jihoon felt slightly uncomfortable but he stared at the screen anyway, mindlessly speaking his thoughts aloud.  The atmosphere was heavy, Daehwi laying on the other side of the couch from him.

“They are, hyung,” Daehwi said, “The pinks are so nice.”

Jihoon huffed out a breath.

“What color is my hair, Daehwi?  What would you call it?”

“Right now?  It’s a medium brown...like polished wood, I guess.”

“What color are my sleeves?”

“They’re alternating between green, like the grass and leaves, and white.  I’m pretty sure you know what white looks like.”

Jihoon wasn’t even paying attention to his sleeves.  He was staring at Daehwi directly, now, a small smile on his lips.  Daehwi looked up.

“Are you okay, hyung?  Are you tired?”

“Yeah, but, I want to tell you something.”

Daehwi tilted his head.  Jihoon looked down and took a deep breath.

“I really like how orange looks on you.”

Daehwi froze.

The silence was deafening.

Jihoon could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

“What the....what the hell, hyung, you’re just messing around, right?”

Jihoon looked up at the ceiling, not knowing what to say now.

“You’ve got to be messing with me.  I’m literally almost over you, and you go saying things like this? Don’t you realize how much this could hurt me?  I really did love you, you know,” Daehwi said angrily, and Jihoon inhaled so sharply he almost choked.

“God, Daehwi, I’m not lying to you,” Jihoon said, unaware of how to continue, but Daehwi just sighed.

“This isn’t funny,” Daehwi said, exhaling quickly, a hurt expression displayed over his beautiful features.  It hurt Jihoon to see him like this.

“I can prove it.  Seriously, Daehwi, I only lied because I was scared at first, but I really do know you’re my soulmate, it has to be you, there’s no one else it could be.”

The younger broke eye contact first, staring at his pajama bottoms.

“What color is the bracelet I’m wearing?”

“Green.  Lighter than my sleeves.”

“How about the color of my bed sheets?”

“White and blue.”

Daehwi rolled his eyes, “I really can’t believe this.”

“I’m sorry,” Jihoon said again, “I really didn’t mean to lie to you like that, and to avoid you, God, I was so rude for no reason.  I just didn’t know what to do.  I know I’m not worthy of being called your soulmate, I rejected it even happening in the first place, but Daehwi, I just wanted to tell you that I really am.  I’m so sorry.  Seriously.”

The younger put both of his palms on his temples, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down.  He was shaking violently, and Jihoon wanted nothing more than to comfort him, but he didn’t know how Daehwi would react.  He really looked like he was about to cry.

Jihoon couldn’t take the sight.

“Do you want me to get Jinyoung? Or Woojin?”

Tears slipped down Daehwi’s cheeks, and he just shook his head.

“No, you idiot, get over here.”

Jihoon took it as a reason to scoot closer to Daehwi, and the younger quickly threw his arms around his shoulders.  He sobbed into Jihoon’s shirt, and Jihoon held him tightly in return.

He hated being the reason that Daehwi was crying, he hated it, he really did.

It was his own damn fault.

“I’m sorry, Daehwi.  I really do like you a lot.”

“Don’t ever lie to me again, then,” he choked out.  Jihoon nodded.

“I won’t.  I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long;;  
> i really only wrote this last chapter in the past two days. i'm so sorry if it feels rushed...i did have a couple friends read through it, one said that it seemed rushed and the other said that the fast pace made it seem more urgent and that they liked it that way, so...i kinda left it as it is. (thanks audrey + bucket~)  
> hopefully it's a good ending?  
> idk dude.  
> talk to me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/shihuyns) about it.

**Author's Note:**

> talk to me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/daehwizs).  
> comments keep me motivated.  
> kudos are always appreciated.


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